the talk of a kampong girl

is currently at home...

somewhere in the heart of kelantan

deep in a small  kampong 

where everything is so unmalacca..

so not KL life

far from hustle bustle of big city..

where i can sleep on my own little bed

accompanied with a peaceful sounds of nocturnal creatures

sometimes embraced with the song of frogs

bathing in the rain

the night is so quiet, that you can hear your own breath

you'll know every details of the night through the sounds

with azan subuh from the main mosque as morning alarm

the day begin as early as 6,

with the clicking sound of stainless steels from the kitchen

it's my mom preparing breakfast..

never skip even a day without a morning meal

she's my best cook ever

i live in kampong house

surrounded with various kind of trees...

some are shady, makes up a canopy for a shelter from the sun

with 4 benches underneath...

encircle a round green table

giving us space to sit together in the evening

talking almost about everything

while sipping a hot tea

takes turn to tell story

HERE is my origin..

the place that have witnessed my life

the only place that hold memories of my past

the HEAVEN of dunya...

a very pleasant feeling...

 

this is my list-to-do for the whole semester

and today....

i'm officially reaches to the bottom of the list!

which mean that all the so-called assignment are successfully completed!

haaaa.......

what a peaceful feeling i have

and a peaceful mind...

* please note that final examination is excluded in the list. to prevent my heart from BOOOMM!!!

blown up...hehehe

BEAUTIFOOL me Y( ' o ' ) Y

CAUTION! : this is moving towards a personal entry. i don't  mind you reading...and judging. but no force on reading. feel free to hit X button on your right.

i think u know this post is the title of my blog

yaa....i know. wrong spelling...

it's on purpose

the question is why?

the beauty is not a fool 

so does the fool..

i like the irony

and i somehow believe that beauty is fool

give it a thought

have you ever heard of sayings "everybody is beautiful in their own way"

haven't you?

"or beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

it tries to gives meaning that everyone is beautiful..

in the way that only the eyes who see can interpret..

but believe me the eyes won't see the big dark obese lady as beautiful

you don't? well try to compare this "big  dark obese lady" with siti nurhaliza..owh i miss dato'

who is beautiful? naa....be frank

who do you think is beautiful??

see?how can people say "everybody is beautiful in their own way"

while the preference is always to the tall slim fair lady?

now that's what i mean, 

beautiful itself is not beautiful at all...

it fools...instead

well this title is applied to me..

consider that i'm not in the category of beautiful lady

i fall into a beautifool types..

and throughout this blog, u'll see the beauty and the fool of me

i like to act beauty you know....(gile perasan..haha!)

but true..since you know you're not beautiful

try to act like one...

when guys on the street looking at you...

pretending like they want to mengorat..

even you know it's absolutely because they can't bear looking at your old-fashioned clothes

who dare to wear blue shirt, extra large jeans, with red sling bag? ME!!!

that's why people looking....

like i care...huh!

another thing is,

i always act fool, even at first i don't intend to at all

you don't believe it? try this:

• i wear flat shoes. i walk only God knows how lembab i am. no wind, no holes, no rock, i stumbled and fell. always happens...
• i've blank mind.or it's full with my day dreaming. so when i walk i can't remember the way i passed through. for example; i'm in dewan kuliah and i went out to the ladies. when i came back i just have no idea where i am and where my class is! oh!
• i always act confident, act beautiful when i walk, remember? and i end up in gents or to be specific org laki punye jamban!
• i drive, i forgot to release the handbrake
• i drive to exit but actually i'm going to entrance. how can??
• i don't like strangers, i rather keep quiet than greeting people i don't know at all.but once i did, i always approach people like i already know them 10 years ago. no wonder why most people at first mistakenly think that i have feeling towards them. and it's the effort to flirt. even the woman thinks like that!

but the beauty of me is, i never care of "the eyes". because the look of the eyes is just an unfair judges. get to know people by your heart, your hand, your ears,your mouth...you'll get more than what the eyes can give. 

i am a TEACHER??

alhamdulillah....

all the micro & macro teaching have been done

micro teaching means- work out your lesson plan with the friends pretending themselves as children

macro teaching means-just roughly present what your lesson plan is all about

the rules is simple-do and imply 

but the act out is not as easy as you see

you're 23 at least...pretend that you're 10 years younger is not easy

but we made it happened.

and today i've completed all...

the efforts, the intense, the money, the hardwork, the tears, the smile,the critiques, the comment, the defense

all mixed up...

the thing is

i never picture myself as a teacher

i never tell myself to..

because that is the responsibilities that i'm afraid of

the responsibilities that possible to be a burden

i'm afraid that i don't have the passion

afraid of newspaper's never ending news of teachers at school

i've been here for 5 years..

and now completing the final 6th

thinking of me as teacher-to-be giving me goosebumps 

thinking of me as the adults scared me the most

am going to be a woman

with the responsibilities as a wife, parents, and educators 

the thought is as heavy as stone

the feelings are much more heavier..

what if i'm not the mother-type woman

or a good-wife type..

how much i can stand with children's mayhem..

i know "mayhem" is such a heavy word to describe children

but try to accept the fact that not all of them are adorable

like what has been provoked in those stereotype movies

i worry much i think

let things be as they way they are..

if i meant to be a teacher

i am more than willing to serve..

believe me...

if i can be like one..

i guess i get the picture of me in 10 years ahead..

more or less like this i think..

owh..plus all the wrinkles...

signs ok aging...hahaha

goodnite....

p/s: suddenly all the font are well rainbowed....new skills.haha!

trainee teacher versus students

both are about the same

but do you know how big the difference is?

|______________________(^o^)_______________________|
this BIG!!

being a student is far more easier..

but being trained to train others is too much harder

enough energy, work on plan, never skip classes,
sit examinations, get good results, start new semester

those are enough to survive as a student

but....

as trainee teacher, it's a different story

you have rigid rules to follow

once broken, you're doomed

you have "bosses" that just a step apart

with a single glance, they can see everything

"everything"...means from the top to the toe

how you walk, how you dressed, how you wear tudung, how you yawn, how you make up, how you eat

 in a simple word...EVERYTHING

but as a student, even you walk backwards or upwards, or you wear flip flop to class

ade mak kesah??

nobody cares...

please bear in mind that this is exaggerating..

but the idea is simple..

i'm being ungrateful here..

*jangan tiru aksi ini di rumah

the life of me as a student in UIA is much better

life as trainee teacher here is disaster

again...

bear in mind...

this is the speaking of me after being "criticized" by MJ

ops....over-criticized
the lowest state of my rational mind

this is upsetting..

huuu......

(ToT)

daydreaming

thinking of the tiresome weeks i had gone through

and also the coming weeks

i longed for a good-day rest

doing nothing but laying on bed

daydreaming,listening to songs, watching back to back episodes,

and reading favourite novels

Godbless....

the day has come!

what a peaceful mind i have..

mmm...

daydreaming..

i'm pretty really good at it

that's why

 it ihas been a constant worries of my mum

since i was little..

in a count of her as a mother..

or in a count of her as a good-at-nag mother

(sorry ma!)hihihi...

i believe that people have their own dream(s)

unachievable... or else it won't be called "dream" instead

supposed to be reality

that's what make us always dreaming of "if my dream comes true"

isn't it?

but mine is different

it's more to play pretend

you know...pretend that you're in certain situation, 

or pretend that you're in somebody else's shoes

it worries my mum because in many ways it affects my "reality"

the latest,

i asked my mum bout my youngest sister

that time, she was just coming back from town

without my sister

and i asked her

"ma...ina mane??tinggal kat kb ko?"

and my mum..

she always get panic for no reason

and for sure when i asked that 

she..without a second of logical reasoning

without a blink

certainly think that 

she without realizing left my sister at the shop..

her fair face now looking pale

thinking possibilities that might happen to her little girl

in the town alone...

and....

minutes later....

my sister came

and i said..

"haih g mane?bukan ikut ma tadi?"

she replied..

"gilo ke hape..kite baru duk kecek kat dapor tadi!"

there u are...

i've been in lots of situations, in many roles,in many movies, even songs

without me having a real experience of it

and when i grew older

the roles getting more mature..more logical

wait....more ridiculous i think!

i used to it..

that's how i imagine things when i want to draw something

i must have the complete images of things

so that i can transfer it in the paper..

when it's not real

i make it "real"

years back

i saw a picture of Persian's cat

belong to my friend

and i really really really want to have it

obviously i can't afford to

so..

i drew one

i kept it as my pet 

for 2 years

sounds crazy isn't it?

but different people interpret satisfaction

in different ways

find your own way

u'll be happy!

goodnite....muah!
haha...

backbiting

when you're too busy talking about people

u never realized most parts in the story

is actually talking bout ur own good

how?

"how can she do this? if i were her..i would try to find the best solution"

have you ever been in this situation?

me..yes..

in both..the "she" and the "i"

but at the end of the day

we would realize

talking bad bout people never give good in return

what left in mind

is the guilt

and the feeling of sorry

sigh...

just like the rules of fingers

pointing 1 finger to people..

the other 4 always came back to you..

like the earth

life moving round

we are on the top..sooner or later

we fell at the bottom

but it never stop moving

on and on...

till we meet the top again

that's the karma

life is no guarantee

because the nature of sphere 

it's hard to be stabilized

once you're on the top

you lost your balance

then you fell

p/s:backbiting, bad-mouthing..

goodnite...

tazkirah sorang diri....pathetic btol