Wednesday, September 28, 2011

i am a TEACHER??

all the micro & macro teaching have been done

micro teaching means- work out your lesson plan with the friends pretending themselves as children
macro teaching means-just roughly present what your lesson plan is all about

the rules is simple-do and imply 
but the act out is not as easy as you see
you're 23 at least...pretend that you're 10 years younger is not easy
but we made it happened.

and today i've completed all...
the efforts, the intense, the money, the hardwork, the tears, the smile,the critiques, the comment, the defense
all mixed up...

the thing is
i never picture myself as a teacher
i never tell myself to..

because that is the responsibilities that i'm afraid of
the responsibilities that possible to be a burden
i'm afraid that i don't have the passion
afraid of newspaper's never ending news of teachers at school

i've been here for 5 years..
and now completing the final 6th
thinking of me as teacher-to-be giving me goosebumps 
thinking of me as the adults scared me the most
am going to be a woman
with the responsibilities as a wife, parents, and educators 
the thought is as heavy as stone
the feelings are much more heavier..

what if i'm not the mother-type woman
or a good-wife type..
how much i can stand with children's mayhem..
i know "mayhem" is such a heavy word to describe children
but try to accept the fact that not all of them are adorable
like what has been provoked in those stereotype movies

i worry much i think
let things be as they way they are..
if i meant to be a teacher
i am more than willing to serve..
believe me...
if i can be like one..
i guess i get the picture of me in 10 years ahead..
more or less like this i think.. all the wrinkles...
signs ok aging...hahaha


p/s: suddenly all the font are well skills.haha!

Monday, September 26, 2011

trainee teacher versus students
both are about the same
but do you know how big the difference is?
this BIG!!
being a student is far more easier..
but being trained to train others is too much harder
enough energy, work on plan, never skip classes,
sit examinations, get good results, start new semester
those are enough to survive as a student

as trainee teacher, it's a different story
you have rigid rules to follow
once broken, you're doomed
you have "bosses" that just a step apart
with a single glance, they can see everything
"everything"...means from the top to the toe
how you walk, how you dressed, how you wear tudung, how you yawn, how you make up, how you eat
 in a simple word...EVERYTHING

but as a student, even you walk backwards or upwards, or you wear flip flop to class
ade mak kesah??
nobody cares...

please bear in mind that this is exaggerating..
but the idea is simple..
i'm being ungrateful here..
*jangan tiru aksi ini di rumah
the life of me as a student in UIA is much better
life as trainee teacher here is disaster

bear in mind...
this is the speaking of me after being "criticized" by MJ
the lowest state of my rational mind
this is upsetting..


Wednesday, September 21, 2011


thinking of the tiresome weeks i had gone through
and also the coming weeks
i longed for a good-day rest
doing nothing but laying on bed
daydreaming,listening to songs, watching back to back episodes,
and reading favourite novels

the day has come!
what a peaceful mind i have..

i'm pretty really good at it
that's why
 it ihas been a constant worries of my mum
since i was little..

in a count of her as a mother..
or in a count of her as a good-at-nag mother
(sorry ma!)hihihi...

i believe that people have their own dream(s)
unachievable... or else it won't be called "dream" instead
supposed to be reality
that's what make us always dreaming of "if my dream comes true"
isn't it?

but mine is different
it's more to play pretend
you know...pretend that you're in certain situation, 
or pretend that you're in somebody else's shoes
it worries my mum because in many ways it affects my "reality"

the latest,
i asked my mum bout my youngest sister
that time, she was just coming back from town
without my sister
and i asked her

"ma...ina mane??tinggal kat kb ko?"

and my mum..
she always get panic for no reason
and for sure when i asked that 
she..without a second of logical reasoning
without a blink
certainly think that 
she without realizing left my sister at the shop..
her fair face now looking pale
thinking possibilities that might happen to her little girl
in the town alone...

minutes later....
my sister came

and i said..
"haih g mane?bukan ikut ma tadi?"
she replied..
"gilo ke hape..kite baru duk kecek kat dapor tadi!"

there u are...

i've been in lots of situations, in many roles,in many movies, even songs
without me having a real experience of it
and when i grew older
the roles getting more mature..more logical
wait....more ridiculous i think!

i used to it..
that's how i imagine things when i want to draw something
i must have the complete images of things
so that i can transfer it in the paper..
when it's not real
i make it "real"

years back
i saw a picture of Persian's cat
belong to my friend
and i really really really want to have it
obviously i can't afford to
i drew one
i kept it as my pet 
for 2 years

sounds crazy isn't it?
but different people interpret satisfaction
in different ways
find your own way
u'll be happy!


Monday, September 19, 2011


when you're too busy talking about people
u never realized most parts in the story
is actually talking bout ur own good
"how can she do this? if i were her..i would try to find the best solution"
have you ever been in this situation?
in both..the "she" and the "i"

but at the end of the day
we would realize
talking bad bout people never give good in return
what left in mind
is the guilt
and the feeling of sorry


just like the rules of fingers
pointing 1 finger to people..
the other 4 always came back to you..

like the earth
life moving round
we are on the top..sooner or later
we fell at the bottom
but it never stop moving
on and on...
till we meet the top again
that's the karma
life is no guarantee

because the nature of sphere 
it's hard to be stabilized
once you're on the top
you lost your balance
then you fell

p/s:backbiting, bad-mouthing..

tazkirah sorang diri....pathetic btol

Sunday, September 18, 2011

if i can count and save the patience..

if the "patience" can be counted and saved
i would now have lots and lots and lots of them in my locker
some i will put in my bags
so that i can bring with me wherever i go
and today i would give some to MJ
my lecturer..
and some to the administration of this maktab
and most of the patience i keep for myself
i would just swallow them up
so that they would stay in my heart...
safe and sound
so that i can add more
when the need arise

sounds terribly, desperately, and crazily in tense, isn't it?
na....i have enough since i stepped in here
on 10th July 2006..
so what i have now is just the pieces of them
i mmm.. actually "we" have the best 2 years in UIA
where assignments, admin,lecturers, rules and regulations 
are all based on professionalism
this is not being ungrateful
but...the speak of truth..
the voice towards the irrelevance of human thinking

the assignments are over ambitious...
even beyond the capabilities of us..
but...there are good parts of it

giving a second glance to it,
make me realize..that
1000s of people want the position i have now
government is giving sum of RM to us
asking nothing in return but the good service for the children
assignments are parts of the life of students
rules and regulations are nonsense for the disobeyed-----> like me
and all of these would be the best memories of me
to talk to my future generation
its the place of my origin
the reminder of me as future teacher
the teacher in the making..

so..thank you..
lets pray for our best
for my final step...

p/s: the bottomline is ingat senang ke nk jadi cikgu?? i'm talking rubbish.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

.:miss boovanes:.

 is a lecturer of mine
she loves to nag you know
but everytime it somehow ends up with laugh
it's not that we do not respect her
but she has this natural sense of humour
she's very open minded
madam is a hindu
but knows everything bout islam
she even listen to tazkirah from ustaz

oh..the humour part of her
she's very enthusiastic person
especially when she teaches kajian tempatan
we're she speaks English
but the content is in Malay
so madam keep switching the language
sometimes it gets mixed up
and we confused
even more confused when her Malay is too confusing
i'm confuse!

but she's a lovely person
everything she does, there is a sense of kindness in her
even when she got angry 
she nag and nag
we still feel the motherly of her
like today..

we were having lecture bout local studies
suddenly it was raining heavily
and one of my friend shouted
"alaa...hujan lebat la" and keep pointing to the window
miss boovanes might got irritated to that, she went to the back row
where my friend seated and said

"hujan salah..xhujan pon salah. kamu group belakang excited sgt tgk hujan.saya kasi kamu 2 minit utk tgk hujan"

about a minute later...

"cuba describe apa yg kamu nampak in English"
her Indian accent lowered down the sense of anger
you know..we focus on the accent instead of the content
and we can't stop laughing looking to our friend
waking up from "sleep" and figure out what to say bout the heavy rain

that's how she shows her anger..
or her joke??

p/s:writing in the dark before going to sleep is now a habit?!

a sweetest goodnite is flying to get you

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


its been a rough week for me
no wonder why i have daily entry 
words heal sometimes
even it sounds stupid
i even laugh when reading it for a second time
or maybe third
or more
and said to myself
"i must have gone crazy that can i wrote this?"
yet its fun
only through this blog 
i know that my language is that bad
not in a standard of tesl student

why suddenly bother to blog?
i paused for almost a year before
don't ask
i don't have the answer either
what i know is
i never force people to read mine
you read or you dont 
nobody ask to
besides i have to make a full use of 48 ringgit i've spent per month for the broadband

its 3 am
this tired eyes 
is working too hard
for over a week
it even forget how to rest


Thursday, September 8, 2011


thank you Ya Allah...


laptop rosak
nobody willing to accept
its hari raya
at last found one
an hour drive from home
laptop cannot be fixed
cost almost 300 in total
being cheated 2 times
all assignments are in the laptop
bring another back up laptop
working like siput 
stay up till 4
still notin' can be done
2 assignments waiting 
another one in row
tomorrow is the day
i have zero

once crying
feeling hopeless
allahuakbar allahuakbar
please stop this

that's stupid
y giving up?
there's a way

then smile
y sad?
it runs very slow...even slower when its tired
yet it works..better than not

but better
but smiling
i dont give a damn

dear God
no blame no whining