Friday, December 30, 2011

wait for me melaka~~

today would be the last morning greet from kelantan
my holiday ended here
a month of holiday
blows like a wind
such a waste...

Sunday, December 25, 2011

for the tears are the most loyal friends of mine

things can go wrong in seconds
in a blink of an eye
i am very clear to that
but i'm not certain how much i can endure
how long i can keep standing
things have gone wrong so badly for me
i keep hoping that it'll be better on the next day
but it seems not

i know this is YOUR test
people says,
YOU give some kind of hardships
to human..
and in some way it hardened their lives
for them to see
beneath all of it..
there's YOUR greatest love

and i should be grateful
i'm the chosen one
among the thousands

i know this is temporary
things will be better soon enough
but i can't no longer hold the tears
till things get better Ya Allah
just let my tears running
not because i'm weak
because i need a company to keep me strong
for the tears is only my sincere friend
that always been there when things have gone wrong
it does makes me feel better...
in a way that i can't explain why..

but it's clear to me now
that humans are too fragile

even the closest person to you
might be the one who don't understand you the most

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

an empty mind

it's been a while since my last post,isn't it?
this morning gives quite a heavy rain
HIS blesses are shown in many ways,aren't they?
i guess morning fresh air is among the greatest of them
i can't resist the fresh air in the morning after the rain
the smell of the grass after raining is really a heartwarming
well it would be such a perfect time to rest for a sleepyhead like me
a thick hot blanket would sure keep me unconscious for half a day
but today i don't feel like sleeping
instead i choose to sit and leave something here
but i really have nothing to tell

i'm writing my personal here
entry by entry
as if there are people out there interested to read bout my life
i should put a "ha-ha" here, shouldn't i?
ha-ha, then.
i don't care much bout the follower(s)
i don't like to publicize my personal too
but this blog was created as my lifetime diary
for me and my future bloodline
whoever would it be, this diary would always remind them of their origin
literally remind them of me
as i suppose this global virtual world have enough space
to keep my blog alive long enough

this would be my footsteps
that i can track down whenever i want to 
the memory lane that freeze my youth
that shows what kind of person i am when i'm young
so that when i'm getting older
as i re-read my entries
i can laugh of my own stupidity
how i've wasted my youth in certain ways
or how bad my english was
ha-ha, again

i think i'm gonna stop here
this all i have in mind for now
see you later

oo by the way
saya masak mee hangus for breakfast today
haha, 3rd time

Monday, November 28, 2011

kakar ipar

it's 5.40 am and i'm still awake
if u notice, all of my entries were posted after midnight
i think i am a BATwoman
not the hero part that resemble
but the nocturnal side...
or maybe there's vampire part(s) in me
the glares of sunlight aching my beautiful face
ouch! ouch!
mengarut....well that's one of my expertise

i'm currently at home
laying on my big favourite sofa
walopun da lembik sebab duk menampung saye yg 'ringan' sgt nih
it's the best of all
watching back-to-back while menyiapkan tempahan tudung nih
"fantaghiro: the cave of the golden rose"
i bet you know this story
it once has been a phenomena to the youngsters, 5 years back i think
i'm not into the romance but the epic of the story
in fact i adores the antagonist (tarabas) more than the hero (ramualdo...salah eja kot)
u know, the period of the story, the big old castle, the noble king, beautiful ambitious princess, the legendary, the royalty, knight with the armor, the war, magics, gladiators bla bla bla...
all these defined my favourite type of movie

well..this is not the main recipe of my entry tonight
my new family member

now the 6 become 7
welcome to othman's
siti aisyah zakaria

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

a MONEY-LOVER i am..

i am money lover
yup.. a very loyal money lover indeed
but i've always find a way to make my own money
spend my own money
the greatest feeling of all
especially when i am able to give some to my parents
brother and sisters
for schooling..

i've started being money-independent at the age of 18
simply because i have 2 little sisters and a brother
that need extra money attention
and my family at that time have a hard economy crisis
my father was being cheated for several times
it involved thousands....a lot sum of money
that i would never tell anyone how much RM he lost
they took away too much, and it gave a great effect to our family at that time
the beginning of my real lesson of life...what life could give and takes
how moneys maniac people nowadays

i never asked money from my parents
wait...i've borrowed once, RM50
it happened once that no money left in my pocket, 
and i had to survive one day more before i get the allowance
i've checked in every compartment of my wallet
with a hope that i mistakenly slipped a note
that i can use to buy nasik for lunch
and there was none left..

so...i widened my search and i saw my tabung
i've collected all the coins left, make up almost rm10 in total
my wallet thickened, and one of my friends noticed it
and....she gave me her purse,
"ambikla banyak mana ko nak, ada duit nnti ganti balik. jgn bimbang"
i took rm10, for the lunch and dinner

that's how far my life goes..
and at that time, i remember having a "boyfriend"
i monkey-loved him so much, and it monkeyed my mind too
it blinds me to see he as a complete asshole
we rarely see eachother
but once we did, everything is on me..
even a glass of ice tea that cost RM1
he borrows money, top ups, and what not
and one day he left me without 24-hours notice...ceit..
hampeh btol la...
well..citer lama.let bygone be bygone...

and one day.... when i was having an examination
i remember reading a thick science notes
15 chapters if i'm not mistaken
and it came to the limit where i can't afford to go beyond
it was too stressful.. i've to do something
and i found a needle and a thread came out of nowhere
must be my roomate's
i'll try to create something, 
something that later turns out to be a flower
really, i don't know how i made it
later then i knew that it called "embroidery"

starting from that day, i learned how to embroider
which i'm intend to tell you later how i got thousands RM
from that day.....


to be continued....


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

how MUCH is 0.03???

it's 4.58 am...and i'm still awake...burning the midnight oil?'s too tiresome
erm...don't get it wrong...
i've wasted so much oil, must be gallons by now just to light up the lamp
to stay awake to.......STUDY?? 
i watched korean movie

letting myself to get fooled by those fairytales love story
by those stereotype movies
a young humble tall fair goodlooking kind RICH macho hero
fall for a common silly girl...
there's no such love in real world...
is it?
but i really enjoyed the movie..
i'm so into it!
thinking that it is possibly exist in real world
it's good though
to at least let yourself away from a real world for a while
forgetting the ugliness of reality

now..what the heck am i writing here?
it's just the examination is around the corner
and i do nothing but wasting more time
it's the final of final
i guess the sense of guilt is the reason for all these

my cgpa is 3.47
just a glimpse of the number makes my bones is about to jump out of my skin!
why? it's just 0.03 more
such a small number, is it?
but here in maktab, it almost impossible to add up
it took a world to get 0.03 you know..

p/s: why is it hard for some people to round up 3.47? if there is,then i would be FREE.........................

Monday, October 24, 2011

the talk of a kampong girl

is currently at home...
somewhere in the heart of kelantan
deep in a small  kampong 
where everything is so unmalacca..
so not KL life

far from hustle bustle of big city..
where i can sleep on my own little bed
accompanied with a peaceful sounds of nocturnal creatures
sometimes embraced with the song of frogs
bathing in the rain
the night is so quiet, that you can hear your own breath
you'll know every details of the night through the sounds
with azan subuh from the main mosque as morning alarm

the day begin as early as 6,
with the clicking sound of stainless steels from the kitchen
it's my mom preparing breakfast..
never skip even a day without a morning meal
she's my best cook ever

i live in kampong house
surrounded with various kind of trees...
some are shady, makes up a canopy for a shelter from the sun
with 4 benches underneath...
encircle a round green table
giving us space to sit together in the evening
talking almost about everything
while sipping a hot tea
takes turn to tell story

HERE is my origin..
the place that have witnessed my life
the only place that hold memories of my past
the HEAVEN of dunya...

Thursday, October 6, 2011

a very pleasant feeling...

this is my list-to-do for the whole semester
and today....
i'm officially reaches to the bottom of the list!
which mean that all the so-called assignment are successfully completed!
what a peaceful feeling i have
and a peaceful mind...

* please note that final examination is excluded in the list. to prevent my heart from BOOOMM!!!
blown up...hehehe

Monday, October 3, 2011

BEAUTIFOOL me Y( ' o ' ) Y

CAUTION! : this is moving towards a personal entry. i don't  mind you reading...and judging. but no force on reading. feel free to hit X button on your right.

i think u know this post is the title of my blog
yaa....i know. wrong spelling...
it's on purpose
the question is why?
the beauty is not a fool 
so does the fool..
i like the irony
and i somehow believe that beauty is fool

give it a thought
have you ever heard of sayings "everybody is beautiful in their own way"
haven't you?
"or beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"
it tries to gives meaning that everyone is beautiful..
in the way that only the eyes who see can interpret..
but believe me the eyes won't see the big dark obese lady as beautiful
you don't? well try to compare this "big  dark obese lady" with siti nurhaliza..owh i miss dato'
who is beautiful? frank
who do you think is beautiful??
see?how can people say "everybody is beautiful in their own way"
while the preference is always to the tall slim fair lady?
now that's what i mean, 
beautiful itself is not beautiful at all...
it fools...instead

well this title is applied to me..
consider that i'm not in the category of beautiful lady
i fall into a beautifool types..
and throughout this blog, u'll see the beauty and the fool of me
i like to act beauty you know....(gile perasan..haha!)
but true..since you know you're not beautiful
try to act like one...
when guys on the street looking at you...
pretending like they want to mengorat..
even you know it's absolutely because they can't bear looking at your old-fashioned clothes
who dare to wear blue shirt, extra large jeans, with red sling bag? ME!!!
that's why people looking....
like i care...huh!

another thing is,
i always act fool, even at first i don't intend to at all
you don't believe it? try this:
  • i wear flat shoes. i walk only God knows how lembab i am. no wind, no holes, no rock, i stumbled and fell. always happens...
  • i've blank mind.or it's full with my day dreaming. so when i walk i can't remember the way i passed through. for example; i'm in dewan kuliah and i went out to the ladies. when i came back i just have no idea where i am and where my class is! oh!
  • i always act confident, act beautiful when i walk, remember? and i end up in gents or to be specific org laki punye jamban!
  • i drive, i forgot to release the handbrake
  • i drive to exit but actually i'm going to entrance. how can??
  • i don't like strangers, i rather keep quiet than greeting people i don't know at all.but once i did, i always approach people like i already know them 10 years ago. no wonder why most people at first mistakenly think that i have feeling towards them. and it's the effort to flirt. even the woman thinks like that!
but the beauty of me is, i never care of "the eyes". because the look of the eyes is just an unfair judges. get to know people by your heart, your hand, your ears,your'll get more than what the eyes can give. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

i am a TEACHER??

all the micro & macro teaching have been done

micro teaching means- work out your lesson plan with the friends pretending themselves as children
macro teaching means-just roughly present what your lesson plan is all about

the rules is simple-do and imply 
but the act out is not as easy as you see
you're 23 at least...pretend that you're 10 years younger is not easy
but we made it happened.

and today i've completed all...
the efforts, the intense, the money, the hardwork, the tears, the smile,the critiques, the comment, the defense
all mixed up...

the thing is
i never picture myself as a teacher
i never tell myself to..

because that is the responsibilities that i'm afraid of
the responsibilities that possible to be a burden
i'm afraid that i don't have the passion
afraid of newspaper's never ending news of teachers at school

i've been here for 5 years..
and now completing the final 6th
thinking of me as teacher-to-be giving me goosebumps 
thinking of me as the adults scared me the most
am going to be a woman
with the responsibilities as a wife, parents, and educators 
the thought is as heavy as stone
the feelings are much more heavier..

what if i'm not the mother-type woman
or a good-wife type..
how much i can stand with children's mayhem..
i know "mayhem" is such a heavy word to describe children
but try to accept the fact that not all of them are adorable
like what has been provoked in those stereotype movies

i worry much i think
let things be as they way they are..
if i meant to be a teacher
i am more than willing to serve..
believe me...
if i can be like one..
i guess i get the picture of me in 10 years ahead..
more or less like this i think.. all the wrinkles...
signs ok aging...hahaha


p/s: suddenly all the font are well skills.haha!

Monday, September 26, 2011

trainee teacher versus students
both are about the same
but do you know how big the difference is?
this BIG!!
being a student is far more easier..
but being trained to train others is too much harder
enough energy, work on plan, never skip classes,
sit examinations, get good results, start new semester
those are enough to survive as a student

as trainee teacher, it's a different story
you have rigid rules to follow
once broken, you're doomed
you have "bosses" that just a step apart
with a single glance, they can see everything
"everything"...means from the top to the toe
how you walk, how you dressed, how you wear tudung, how you yawn, how you make up, how you eat
 in a simple word...EVERYTHING

but as a student, even you walk backwards or upwards, or you wear flip flop to class
ade mak kesah??
nobody cares...

please bear in mind that this is exaggerating..
but the idea is simple..
i'm being ungrateful here..
*jangan tiru aksi ini di rumah
the life of me as a student in UIA is much better
life as trainee teacher here is disaster

bear in mind...
this is the speaking of me after being "criticized" by MJ
the lowest state of my rational mind
this is upsetting..


Wednesday, September 21, 2011


thinking of the tiresome weeks i had gone through
and also the coming weeks
i longed for a good-day rest
doing nothing but laying on bed
daydreaming,listening to songs, watching back to back episodes,
and reading favourite novels

the day has come!
what a peaceful mind i have..

i'm pretty really good at it
that's why
 it ihas been a constant worries of my mum
since i was little..

in a count of her as a mother..
or in a count of her as a good-at-nag mother
(sorry ma!)hihihi...

i believe that people have their own dream(s)
unachievable... or else it won't be called "dream" instead
supposed to be reality
that's what make us always dreaming of "if my dream comes true"
isn't it?

but mine is different
it's more to play pretend
you know...pretend that you're in certain situation, 
or pretend that you're in somebody else's shoes
it worries my mum because in many ways it affects my "reality"

the latest,
i asked my mum bout my youngest sister
that time, she was just coming back from town
without my sister
and i asked her

"ma...ina mane??tinggal kat kb ko?"

and my mum..
she always get panic for no reason
and for sure when i asked that 
she..without a second of logical reasoning
without a blink
certainly think that 
she without realizing left my sister at the shop..
her fair face now looking pale
thinking possibilities that might happen to her little girl
in the town alone...

minutes later....
my sister came

and i said..
"haih g mane?bukan ikut ma tadi?"
she replied..
"gilo ke hape..kite baru duk kecek kat dapor tadi!"

there u are...

i've been in lots of situations, in many roles,in many movies, even songs
without me having a real experience of it
and when i grew older
the roles getting more mature..more logical
wait....more ridiculous i think!

i used to it..
that's how i imagine things when i want to draw something
i must have the complete images of things
so that i can transfer it in the paper..
when it's not real
i make it "real"

years back
i saw a picture of Persian's cat
belong to my friend
and i really really really want to have it
obviously i can't afford to
i drew one
i kept it as my pet 
for 2 years

sounds crazy isn't it?
but different people interpret satisfaction
in different ways
find your own way
u'll be happy!


Monday, September 19, 2011


when you're too busy talking about people
u never realized most parts in the story
is actually talking bout ur own good
"how can she do this? if i were her..i would try to find the best solution"
have you ever been in this situation?
in both..the "she" and the "i"

but at the end of the day
we would realize
talking bad bout people never give good in return
what left in mind
is the guilt
and the feeling of sorry


just like the rules of fingers
pointing 1 finger to people..
the other 4 always came back to you..

like the earth
life moving round
we are on the top..sooner or later
we fell at the bottom
but it never stop moving
on and on...
till we meet the top again
that's the karma
life is no guarantee

because the nature of sphere 
it's hard to be stabilized
once you're on the top
you lost your balance
then you fell

p/s:backbiting, bad-mouthing..

tazkirah sorang diri....pathetic btol

Sunday, September 18, 2011

if i can count and save the patience..

if the "patience" can be counted and saved
i would now have lots and lots and lots of them in my locker
some i will put in my bags
so that i can bring with me wherever i go
and today i would give some to MJ
my lecturer..
and some to the administration of this maktab
and most of the patience i keep for myself
i would just swallow them up
so that they would stay in my heart...
safe and sound
so that i can add more
when the need arise

sounds terribly, desperately, and crazily in tense, isn't it?
na....i have enough since i stepped in here
on 10th July 2006..
so what i have now is just the pieces of them
i mmm.. actually "we" have the best 2 years in UIA
where assignments, admin,lecturers, rules and regulations 
are all based on professionalism
this is not being ungrateful
but...the speak of truth..
the voice towards the irrelevance of human thinking

the assignments are over ambitious...
even beyond the capabilities of us..
but...there are good parts of it

giving a second glance to it,
make me realize..that
1000s of people want the position i have now
government is giving sum of RM to us
asking nothing in return but the good service for the children
assignments are parts of the life of students
rules and regulations are nonsense for the disobeyed-----> like me
and all of these would be the best memories of me
to talk to my future generation
its the place of my origin
the reminder of me as future teacher
the teacher in the making..

so..thank you..
lets pray for our best
for my final step...

p/s: the bottomline is ingat senang ke nk jadi cikgu?? i'm talking rubbish.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

.:miss boovanes:.

 is a lecturer of mine
she loves to nag you know
but everytime it somehow ends up with laugh
it's not that we do not respect her
but she has this natural sense of humour
she's very open minded
madam is a hindu
but knows everything bout islam
she even listen to tazkirah from ustaz

oh..the humour part of her
she's very enthusiastic person
especially when she teaches kajian tempatan
we're she speaks English
but the content is in Malay
so madam keep switching the language
sometimes it gets mixed up
and we confused
even more confused when her Malay is too confusing
i'm confuse!

but she's a lovely person
everything she does, there is a sense of kindness in her
even when she got angry 
she nag and nag
we still feel the motherly of her
like today..

we were having lecture bout local studies
suddenly it was raining heavily
and one of my friend shouted
"alaa...hujan lebat la" and keep pointing to the window
miss boovanes might got irritated to that, she went to the back row
where my friend seated and said

"hujan salah..xhujan pon salah. kamu group belakang excited sgt tgk hujan.saya kasi kamu 2 minit utk tgk hujan"

about a minute later...

"cuba describe apa yg kamu nampak in English"
her Indian accent lowered down the sense of anger
you know..we focus on the accent instead of the content
and we can't stop laughing looking to our friend
waking up from "sleep" and figure out what to say bout the heavy rain

that's how she shows her anger..
or her joke??

p/s:writing in the dark before going to sleep is now a habit?!

a sweetest goodnite is flying to get you

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


its been a rough week for me
no wonder why i have daily entry 
words heal sometimes
even it sounds stupid
i even laugh when reading it for a second time
or maybe third
or more
and said to myself
"i must have gone crazy that can i wrote this?"
yet its fun
only through this blog 
i know that my language is that bad
not in a standard of tesl student

why suddenly bother to blog?
i paused for almost a year before
don't ask
i don't have the answer either
what i know is
i never force people to read mine
you read or you dont 
nobody ask to
besides i have to make a full use of 48 ringgit i've spent per month for the broadband

its 3 am
this tired eyes 
is working too hard
for over a week
it even forget how to rest


Thursday, September 8, 2011


thank you Ya Allah...


laptop rosak
nobody willing to accept
its hari raya
at last found one
an hour drive from home
laptop cannot be fixed
cost almost 300 in total
being cheated 2 times
all assignments are in the laptop
bring another back up laptop
working like siput 
stay up till 4
still notin' can be done
2 assignments waiting 
another one in row
tomorrow is the day
i have zero

once crying
feeling hopeless
allahuakbar allahuakbar
please stop this

that's stupid
y giving up?
there's a way

then smile
y sad?
it runs very slow...even slower when its tired
yet it works..better than not

but better
but smiling
i dont give a damn

dear God
no blame no whining

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

the alphabet son(g)

i've been looking for a poem "the alphabet son" for over a week. i've tried everything i can to find the poem.

i asked my school teachers
i've tried google n bings
i've spent hours in library looking through books, page by page

there are millions, trillions,zillions, whatever lions of poems in this world, why can't i find one with the title "the alphabet son"??

yet the answer is still the same "the alphabet song", not "the alphabet son"
n today i asked my lecturer, "sorry isna,i left out 'g', it's the alphabet song, not son"



Thursday, August 18, 2011

raya oh raya....

18 ramadhan 1432H
12 days to go..

to do list:
tempahan tudung (waaa!!! byknye xsiap lg)
tempahan esaimen ( burning the midnight oil with a cup of coffee...hehe)
embroidery baju raya (idaman nk memakai baju raya itam bersulam tgn sendiri...gulp!)
kuih raya ( mcm biasa...stay up smpai ke sahur)

\(^ 0^)/
semoga berjaya!

kenangan menjahit sulam di malam raya....

the boria from kampung...haha~

selamat countdown hari raya....!!