things have changed (1)

people says, life has different stages..

u'll reach to another only when u're capable to

earlier of life, u might start easy..

someone will always be there for you..your parents

as u walk through, completing stages by stages

u'll realize, life is getting harder..

and sooner or later,whether u want it or not... u'll walk alone..

at one point in your life, u'll create a new circle...

and that was the time when u have to be there for others..

u'll be a parents, a shelter for others...

this is what i realized when the first time i saw her..

she starts a new stage...

for my brother and sister

for my ma and abah

for my uncle and aunts

for my siblings...

things have changed for everybody...

dear sis siti aisyah, thank you for bringing us

such a wonderful little gift

it's a great moment..

it's a great experience

oh my English!

someone have asked me 

"kenapa awak slalu post dlm english?"

that refer to my facebook status

after a while..he asked 

"tulis blog pon english?"

he continue...

"msg phone pon kna english jgk ke. mesti sbb awk tesl kn?"

berlagak...

oo my...

it was true...

most of the time, i use english

i like it when people said

"taula tesl, berlagak"

God, mane ada bdk tesl blagak. tesl je pun....

well that's not the end..

i remember someone posted in my facebook

"hey, you're teacher isna afiqah right? well teacher, your english suck.please join my tuition"

and.........that was insulting....

 ouch!

well, i'm using it because i am an english learner

and one day i'll be teaching english

if i were suck at it

then being a teslian is really a big problem for me

the picture is like this

i'm a kampung girl

well, suburban

it's kelantan, and we have our own language

my dad speak java

mom from terengganu

at home, they mix well

but there's no place for english

so...there's no way for me to speak english

unless i make an effort to do so

 to add on..

i received lots of comments from my lecturer

regarding my spoken english

the hardest part was during my practical

it was after the final observation

and my lecturer mdm j.

i can say she's a bit fussy

she will do everything to its perfection

that time i was waiting for her

to hear the final verdict

i knew it wouldn't be easy

plus, the weather was boiling hot

she got a fever, so as the mood

god!my body was trembling,hand shaking...

and this is what had happened..

mdm j : isna, practice ur english. u'll be an english teacher. i'm done with you.

me      : so mdm, is that all? (GOD! WHAT A STUPID QUESTION!)

mdm j : well, i don't like your voice. speak louder. and your english. u're doing tesl isna. u must improve.

me      : sorry mdm, it's my bad.

mdm j : isna! that's not english.

me      : am i making a mistake madam?

mdm j : u should know

me      : it was "my mistake" not "my bad", is it?

mdm j : i don't even know, where u've heard that word isna. improve your english! u're tesl graduates!

so,if u get the story right,

u'll get the answer why my writing is always english

i'm learning.i try to improve..

...sort of

i'm using it most of the time

because i know i desperately need to improve

and who knows

one of my students

would be your kid

so pray hard

i'll improve

and got my english right

OH MY ENGLISH!

i never own u

double OR trouble

"two is better than one"

it's a song

a phrase

but for me it goes beyond what the eyes can see

more than what words can tell

heart can feel..

for me being "two" offers no benefits to any party

so it offers no "better state" at all..

once u're "two" 

another minutes u're "one"

what left was a deep empty hole in ur heart..

and that "empty hole"

leave some sort of feelings

that's what i call

"lonely"

it's not that i blame the consequences

or hating the other party..

in fact, i'm glad that i am "one"

i'm on my own

when things are beyond my control

the answer of constant prayers is a no

i decided myself

to leave..

after some time..

when i'm totally out of the frame

became the audience of my own story

what i can say is..

i'm happy that i've made that decision

though it's true

two is better than one

doesn't mean that "one" is no better at all

its about 

taking your own sweet time

understand your life

as an individual grown-up

before taking the next step 

to own the other soul...

till then..

i choose to be one..

sad is happy

it's all gone...

nothing left

wait for me melaka~~

morning...

today would be the last morning greet from kelantan

my holiday ended here

a month of holiday

blows like a wind

such a waste...

for the tears are the most loyal friends of mine

things can go wrong in seconds

in a blink of an eye
i am very clear to that
but i'm not certain how much i can endure
how long i can keep standing

things have gone wrong so badly for me

i keep hoping that it'll be better on the next day

but it seems not

(sigh)

...........

i know this is YOUR test

people says,
YOU give some kind of hardships

to human..

and in some way it hardened their lives

for them to see

beneath all of it..

there's YOUR greatest love

and i should be grateful

i'm the chosen one

among the thousands

i know this is temporary

things will be better soon enough

but i can't no longer hold the tears

till things get better Ya Allah

just let my tears running

not because i'm weak

because i need a company to keep me strong

for the tears is only my sincere friend

that always been there when things have gone wrong

it does makes me feel better...

in a way that i can't explain why..

but it's clear to me now

my LORD

that humans are too fragile

even the closest person to you

might be the one who don't understand you the most