the way things are supposed to be..

this may look funny to some of us, but seriously we are damn hopeless. sleeping with one eyes open. what we are facing here are all based on rumors. rumors have it all. it tells everything, everything that nobody can tell how much it relies on true facts.

things are getting worst each days. we can't really tell how's tomorrow gonna be. we go to school, teach like everybody else, but who knows in next 10 minutes,all we need to do is just wrap everything up and run for life. we don't know. we can't really tell. 

it's so tired, living in fear. u count how much cars are on the road,are people running away? you're aware of weird sounds outside home, u pack things for emergency, buy tons of sardines, dozens of Maggie, full petrol, cash money, documents, and everything. so that if anythings came up, u just run!

what u saw on tv, they lies... a lot. but they know what they're doing. i hope so~

Allah knows best.  pray for us. pray for your family in lahad datu and semporna. pray for those who came to help us. because the way things are supposed to be, is better than any of this. ALLAHUAKBAR!

the better planner

i thought i knew what i need in life

i thought i've planned it well

i thought i love the right man

i thought i've been a good muslim

i thought i have enough

till the moment when

it was all taken from me 

and

HE shows

how my pride, my ego tearing me down

 and at the end

i have nothing but HIM

 



 

things have changed (1)

people says, life has different stages..

u'll reach to another only when u're capable to

earlier of life, u might start easy..

someone will always be there for you..your parents

as u walk through, completing stages by stages

u'll realize, life is getting harder..

and sooner or later,whether u want it or not... u'll walk alone..

at one point in your life, u'll create a new circle...

and that was the time when u have to be there for others..

u'll be a parents, a shelter for others...

this is what i realized when the first time i saw her..

she starts a new stage...

for my brother and sister

for my ma and abah

for my uncle and aunts

for my siblings...

things have changed for everybody...

dear sis siti aisyah, thank you for bringing us

such a wonderful little gift

it's a great moment..

it's a great experience

oh my English!

someone have asked me 

"kenapa awak slalu post dlm english?"

that refer to my facebook status

after a while..he asked 

"tulis blog pon english?"

he continue...

"msg phone pon kna english jgk ke. mesti sbb awk tesl kn?"

berlagak...

oo my...

it was true...

most of the time, i use english

i like it when people said

"taula tesl, berlagak"

God, mane ada bdk tesl blagak. tesl je pun....

well that's not the end..

i remember someone posted in my facebook

"hey, you're teacher isna afiqah right? well teacher, your english suck.please join my tuition"

and.........that was insulting....

 ouch!

well, i'm using it because i am an english learner

and one day i'll be teaching english

if i were suck at it

then being a teslian is really a big problem for me

the picture is like this

i'm a kampung girl

well, suburban

it's kelantan, and we have our own language

my dad speak java

mom from terengganu

at home, they mix well

but there's no place for english

so...there's no way for me to speak english

unless i make an effort to do so

 to add on..

i received lots of comments from my lecturer

regarding my spoken english

the hardest part was during my practical

it was after the final observation

and my lecturer mdm j.

i can say she's a bit fussy

she will do everything to its perfection

that time i was waiting for her

to hear the final verdict

i knew it wouldn't be easy

plus, the weather was boiling hot

she got a fever, so as the mood

god!my body was trembling,hand shaking...

and this is what had happened..

mdm j : isna, practice ur english. u'll be an english teacher. i'm done with you.

me      : so mdm, is that all? (GOD! WHAT A STUPID QUESTION!)

mdm j : well, i don't like your voice. speak louder. and your english. u're doing tesl isna. u must improve.

me      : sorry mdm, it's my bad.

mdm j : isna! that's not english.

me      : am i making a mistake madam?

mdm j : u should know

me      : it was "my mistake" not "my bad", is it?

mdm j : i don't even know, where u've heard that word isna. improve your english! u're tesl graduates!

so,if u get the story right,

u'll get the answer why my writing is always english

i'm learning.i try to improve..

...sort of

i'm using it most of the time

because i know i desperately need to improve

and who knows

one of my students

would be your kid

so pray hard

i'll improve

and got my english right

OH MY ENGLISH!

i never own u

double OR trouble

"two is better than one"

it's a song

a phrase

but for me it goes beyond what the eyes can see

more than what words can tell

heart can feel..

for me being "two" offers no benefits to any party

so it offers no "better state" at all..

once u're "two" 

another minutes u're "one"

what left was a deep empty hole in ur heart..

and that "empty hole"

leave some sort of feelings

that's what i call

"lonely"

it's not that i blame the consequences

or hating the other party..

in fact, i'm glad that i am "one"

i'm on my own

when things are beyond my control

the answer of constant prayers is a no

i decided myself

to leave..

after some time..

when i'm totally out of the frame

became the audience of my own story

what i can say is..

i'm happy that i've made that decision

though it's true

two is better than one

doesn't mean that "one" is no better at all

its about 

taking your own sweet time

understand your life

as an individual grown-up

before taking the next step 

to own the other soul...

till then..

i choose to be one..

sad is happy

it's all gone...

nothing left

wait for me melaka~~

morning...

today would be the last morning greet from kelantan

my holiday ended here

a month of holiday

blows like a wind

such a waste...

for the tears are the most loyal friends of mine

things can go wrong in seconds

in a blink of an eye
i am very clear to that
but i'm not certain how much i can endure
how long i can keep standing

things have gone wrong so badly for me

i keep hoping that it'll be better on the next day

but it seems not

(sigh)

...........

i know this is YOUR test

people says,
YOU give some kind of hardships

to human..

and in some way it hardened their lives

for them to see

beneath all of it..

there's YOUR greatest love

and i should be grateful

i'm the chosen one

among the thousands

i know this is temporary

things will be better soon enough

but i can't no longer hold the tears

till things get better Ya Allah

just let my tears running

not because i'm weak

because i need a company to keep me strong

for the tears is only my sincere friend

that always been there when things have gone wrong

it does makes me feel better...

in a way that i can't explain why..

but it's clear to me now

my LORD

that humans are too fragile

even the closest person to you

might be the one who don't understand you the most

 

an empty mind

it's been a while since my last post,isn't it?

this morning gives quite a heavy rain

HIS blesses are shown in many ways,aren't they?

i guess morning fresh air is among the greatest of them

i can't resist the fresh air in the morning after the rain

the smell of the grass after raining is really a heartwarming

well it would be such a perfect time to rest for a sleepyhead like me

a thick hot blanket would sure keep me unconscious for half a day

but today i don't feel like sleeping

instead i choose to sit and leave something here

but i really have nothing to tell

i'm writing my personal here

entry by entry

as if there are people out there interested to read bout my life

i should put a "ha-ha" here, shouldn't i?

ha-ha, then.

i don't care much bout the follower(s)

i don't like to publicize my personal too

but this blog was created as my lifetime diary

for me and my future bloodline

whoever would it be, this diary would always remind them of their origin

literally remind them of me

as i suppose this global virtual world have enough space

to keep my blog alive long enough

this would be my footsteps

that i can track down whenever i want to 

the memory lane that freeze my youth

that shows what kind of person i am when i'm young

so that when i'm getting older

as i re-read my entries

i can laugh of my own stupidity

how i've wasted my youth in certain ways

or how bad my english was

ha-ha, again

i think i'm gonna stop here

this all i have in mind for now

see you later

oo by the way

saya masak mee hangus for breakfast today

haha, 3rd time

kakar ipar

it's 5.40 am and i'm still awake

if u notice, all of my entries were posted after midnight

i think i am a BATwoman

not the hero part that resemble

but the nocturnal side...

or maybe there's vampire part(s) in me

the glares of sunlight aching my beautiful face
ouch! ouch!

mengarut....well that's one of my expertise

i'm currently at home

laying on my big favourite sofa

walopun da lembik sebab duk menampung saye yg 'ringan' sgt nih

it's the best of all

watching back-to-back while menyiapkan tempahan tudung nih

"fantaghiro: the cave of the golden rose"

i bet you know this story

it once has been a phenomena to the youngsters, 5 years back i think

i'm not into the romance but the epic of the story

in fact i adores the antagonist (tarabas) more than the hero (ramualdo...salah eja kot)

u know, the period of the story, the big old castle, the noble king, beautiful ambitious princess, the legendary, the royalty, knight with the armor, the war, magics, gladiators bla bla bla...

all these defined my favourite type of movie

well..this is not the main recipe of my entry tonight

presenting

my new family member

hehehe....

now the 6 become 7

welcome to othman's

siti aisyah zakaria

a MONEY-LOVER i am..

i am money lover

yup.. a very loyal money lover indeed

but i've always find a way to make my own money

spend my own money

the greatest feeling of all

especially when i am able to give some to my parents

brother and sisters

for schooling..

i've started being money-independent at the age of 18

simply because i have 2 little sisters and a brother

that need extra money attention

and my family at that time have a hard economy crisis

my father was being cheated for several times

it involved thousands....a lot sum of money

that i would never tell anyone how much RM he lost

they took away too much, and it gave a great effect to our family at that time

the beginning of my real lesson of life...what life could give and takes

how moneys maniac people nowadays

i never asked money from my parents

wait...i've borrowed once, RM50

it happened once that no money left in my pocket, 

and i had to survive one day more before i get the allowance

i've checked in every compartment of my wallet

with a hope that i mistakenly slipped a note

that i can use to buy nasik for lunch

and there was none left..

so...i widened my search and i saw my tabung

i've collected all the coins left, make up almost rm10 in total

my wallet thickened, and one of my friends noticed it

and....she gave me her purse,

"ambikla banyak mana ko nak, ada duit nnti ganti balik. jgn bimbang"

i took rm10, for the lunch and dinner

that's how far my life goes..

and at that time, i remember having a "boyfriend"

i monkey-loved him so much, and it monkeyed my mind too

it blinds me to see he as a complete asshole

yep...
we rarely see eachother

but once we did, everything is on me..

even a glass of ice tea that cost RM1

he borrows money, top ups, and what not

and one day he left me without 24-hours notice...ceit..

hampeh btol la...

well..citer lama.let bygone be bygone...

and one day.... when i was having an examination

i remember reading a thick science notes

15 chapters if i'm not mistaken

and it came to the limit where i can't afford to go beyond

it was too stressful.. i've to do something

and i found a needle and a thread came out of nowhere

must be my roomate's

i'll try to create something, 

something that later turns out to be a flower

really, i don't know how i made it

later then i knew that it called "embroidery"

starting from that day, i learned how to embroider

which i'm intend to tell you later how i got thousands RM

from that day.....

LIFE DOESN'T JUST TAKE AWAY THINGS FROM YOU, IT GIVES IN RETURN.

to be continued....

goodnite...

mmuahh!!!euww...

how MUCH is 0.03???

it's 4.58 am...and i'm still awake...burning the midnight oil?

yes...it's too tiresome

erm...don't get it wrong...

i've wasted so much oil, must be gallons by now just to light up the lamp

to stay awake to.......STUDY?? 

naa.......

i watched korean movie

letting myself to get fooled by those fairytales love story

by those stereotype movies

a young humble tall fair goodlooking kind RICH macho hero

fall for a common silly girl...

there's no such love in real world...

is it?

but i really enjoyed the movie..

i'm so into it!

thinking that it is possibly exist in real world

it's good though

to at least let yourself away from a real world for a while

forgetting the ugliness of reality

now..what the heck am i writing here?

it's just the examination is around the corner

and i do nothing but wasting more time

it's the final of final

i guess the sense of guilt is the reason for all these

my cgpa is 3.47

just a glimpse of the number makes my bones is about to jump out of my skin!

why? it's just 0.03 more

such a small number, is it?

but here in maktab, it almost impossible to add up

it took a world to get 0.03 you know..

p/s: why is it hard for some people to round up 3.47? if there is,then i would be FREE.........................

the talk of a kampong girl

is currently at home...

somewhere in the heart of kelantan

deep in a small  kampong 

where everything is so unmalacca..

so not KL life

far from hustle bustle of big city..

where i can sleep on my own little bed

accompanied with a peaceful sounds of nocturnal creatures

sometimes embraced with the song of frogs

bathing in the rain

the night is so quiet, that you can hear your own breath

you'll know every details of the night through the sounds

with azan subuh from the main mosque as morning alarm

the day begin as early as 6,

with the clicking sound of stainless steels from the kitchen

it's my mom preparing breakfast..

never skip even a day without a morning meal

she's my best cook ever

i live in kampong house

surrounded with various kind of trees...

some are shady, makes up a canopy for a shelter from the sun

with 4 benches underneath...

encircle a round green table

giving us space to sit together in the evening

talking almost about everything

while sipping a hot tea

takes turn to tell story

HERE is my origin..

the place that have witnessed my life

the only place that hold memories of my past

the HEAVEN of dunya...

a very pleasant feeling...

 

this is my list-to-do for the whole semester

and today....

i'm officially reaches to the bottom of the list!

which mean that all the so-called assignment are successfully completed!

haaaa.......

what a peaceful feeling i have

and a peaceful mind...

* please note that final examination is excluded in the list. to prevent my heart from BOOOMM!!!

blown up...hehehe

BEAUTIFOOL me Y( ' o ' ) Y

CAUTION! : this is moving towards a personal entry. i don't  mind you reading...and judging. but no force on reading. feel free to hit X button on your right.

i think u know this post is the title of my blog

yaa....i know. wrong spelling...

it's on purpose

the question is why?

the beauty is not a fool 

so does the fool..

i like the irony

and i somehow believe that beauty is fool

give it a thought

have you ever heard of sayings "everybody is beautiful in their own way"

haven't you?

"or beauty is in the eyes of the beholder"

it tries to gives meaning that everyone is beautiful..

in the way that only the eyes who see can interpret..

but believe me the eyes won't see the big dark obese lady as beautiful

you don't? well try to compare this "big  dark obese lady" with siti nurhaliza..owh i miss dato'

who is beautiful? naa....be frank

who do you think is beautiful??

see?how can people say "everybody is beautiful in their own way"

while the preference is always to the tall slim fair lady?

now that's what i mean, 

beautiful itself is not beautiful at all...

it fools...instead

well this title is applied to me..

consider that i'm not in the category of beautiful lady

i fall into a beautifool types..

and throughout this blog, u'll see the beauty and the fool of me

i like to act beauty you know....(gile perasan..haha!)

but true..since you know you're not beautiful

try to act like one...

when guys on the street looking at you...

pretending like they want to mengorat..

even you know it's absolutely because they can't bear looking at your old-fashioned clothes

who dare to wear blue shirt, extra large jeans, with red sling bag? ME!!!

that's why people looking....

like i care...huh!

another thing is,

i always act fool, even at first i don't intend to at all

you don't believe it? try this:

• i wear flat shoes. i walk only God knows how lembab i am. no wind, no holes, no rock, i stumbled and fell. always happens...
• i've blank mind.or it's full with my day dreaming. so when i walk i can't remember the way i passed through. for example; i'm in dewan kuliah and i went out to the ladies. when i came back i just have no idea where i am and where my class is! oh!
• i always act confident, act beautiful when i walk, remember? and i end up in gents or to be specific org laki punye jamban!
• i drive, i forgot to release the handbrake
• i drive to exit but actually i'm going to entrance. how can??
• i don't like strangers, i rather keep quiet than greeting people i don't know at all.but once i did, i always approach people like i already know them 10 years ago. no wonder why most people at first mistakenly think that i have feeling towards them. and it's the effort to flirt. even the woman thinks like that!

but the beauty of me is, i never care of "the eyes". because the look of the eyes is just an unfair judges. get to know people by your heart, your hand, your ears,your mouth...you'll get more than what the eyes can give. 

i am a TEACHER??

alhamdulillah....

all the micro & macro teaching have been done

micro teaching means- work out your lesson plan with the friends pretending themselves as children

macro teaching means-just roughly present what your lesson plan is all about

the rules is simple-do and imply 

but the act out is not as easy as you see

you're 23 at least...pretend that you're 10 years younger is not easy

but we made it happened.

and today i've completed all...

the efforts, the intense, the money, the hardwork, the tears, the smile,the critiques, the comment, the defense

all mixed up...

the thing is

i never picture myself as a teacher

i never tell myself to..

because that is the responsibilities that i'm afraid of

the responsibilities that possible to be a burden

i'm afraid that i don't have the passion

afraid of newspaper's never ending news of teachers at school

i've been here for 5 years..

and now completing the final 6th

thinking of me as teacher-to-be giving me goosebumps 

thinking of me as the adults scared me the most

am going to be a woman

with the responsibilities as a wife, parents, and educators 

the thought is as heavy as stone

the feelings are much more heavier..

what if i'm not the mother-type woman

or a good-wife type..

how much i can stand with children's mayhem..

i know "mayhem" is such a heavy word to describe children

but try to accept the fact that not all of them are adorable

like what has been provoked in those stereotype movies

i worry much i think

let things be as they way they are..

if i meant to be a teacher

i am more than willing to serve..

believe me...

if i can be like one..

i guess i get the picture of me in 10 years ahead..

more or less like this i think..

owh..plus all the wrinkles...

signs ok aging...hahaha

goodnite....

p/s: suddenly all the font are well rainbowed....new skills.haha!

trainee teacher versus students

both are about the same

but do you know how big the difference is?

|______________________(^o^)_______________________|
this BIG!!

being a student is far more easier..

but being trained to train others is too much harder

enough energy, work on plan, never skip classes,
sit examinations, get good results, start new semester

those are enough to survive as a student

but....

as trainee teacher, it's a different story

you have rigid rules to follow

once broken, you're doomed

you have "bosses" that just a step apart

with a single glance, they can see everything

"everything"...means from the top to the toe

how you walk, how you dressed, how you wear tudung, how you yawn, how you make up, how you eat

 in a simple word...EVERYTHING

but as a student, even you walk backwards or upwards, or you wear flip flop to class

ade mak kesah??

nobody cares...

please bear in mind that this is exaggerating..

but the idea is simple..

i'm being ungrateful here..

*jangan tiru aksi ini di rumah

the life of me as a student in UIA is much better

life as trainee teacher here is disaster

again...

bear in mind...

this is the speaking of me after being "criticized" by MJ

ops....over-criticized
the lowest state of my rational mind

this is upsetting..

huuu......

(ToT)

daydreaming

thinking of the tiresome weeks i had gone through

and also the coming weeks

i longed for a good-day rest

doing nothing but laying on bed

daydreaming,listening to songs, watching back to back episodes,

and reading favourite novels

Godbless....

the day has come!

what a peaceful mind i have..

mmm...

daydreaming..

i'm pretty really good at it

that's why

 it ihas been a constant worries of my mum

since i was little..

in a count of her as a mother..

or in a count of her as a good-at-nag mother

(sorry ma!)hihihi...

i believe that people have their own dream(s)

unachievable... or else it won't be called "dream" instead

supposed to be reality

that's what make us always dreaming of "if my dream comes true"

isn't it?

but mine is different

it's more to play pretend

you know...pretend that you're in certain situation, 

or pretend that you're in somebody else's shoes

it worries my mum because in many ways it affects my "reality"

the latest,

i asked my mum bout my youngest sister

that time, she was just coming back from town

without my sister

and i asked her

"ma...ina mane??tinggal kat kb ko?"

and my mum..

she always get panic for no reason

and for sure when i asked that 

she..without a second of logical reasoning

without a blink

certainly think that 

she without realizing left my sister at the shop..

her fair face now looking pale

thinking possibilities that might happen to her little girl

in the town alone...

and....

minutes later....

my sister came

and i said..

"haih g mane?bukan ikut ma tadi?"

she replied..

"gilo ke hape..kite baru duk kecek kat dapor tadi!"

there u are...

i've been in lots of situations, in many roles,in many movies, even songs

without me having a real experience of it

and when i grew older

the roles getting more mature..more logical

wait....more ridiculous i think!

i used to it..

that's how i imagine things when i want to draw something

i must have the complete images of things

so that i can transfer it in the paper..

when it's not real

i make it "real"

years back

i saw a picture of Persian's cat

belong to my friend

and i really really really want to have it

obviously i can't afford to

so..

i drew one

i kept it as my pet 

for 2 years

sounds crazy isn't it?

but different people interpret satisfaction

in different ways

find your own way

u'll be happy!

goodnite....muah!
haha...

backbiting

when you're too busy talking about people

u never realized most parts in the story

is actually talking bout ur own good

how?

"how can she do this? if i were her..i would try to find the best solution"

have you ever been in this situation?

me..yes..

in both..the "she" and the "i"

but at the end of the day

we would realize

talking bad bout people never give good in return

what left in mind

is the guilt

and the feeling of sorry

sigh...

just like the rules of fingers

pointing 1 finger to people..

the other 4 always came back to you..

like the earth

life moving round

we are on the top..sooner or later

we fell at the bottom

but it never stop moving

on and on...

till we meet the top again

that's the karma

life is no guarantee

because the nature of sphere 

it's hard to be stabilized

once you're on the top

you lost your balance

then you fell

p/s:backbiting, bad-mouthing..

goodnite...

tazkirah sorang diri....pathetic btol